A Test of Faith/ A Battle for My Will

There have been so many things happen since Sunday night that to recount it all seems a daunting task. 

Sunday.  The day began with church.  Keenan was so excited to get back to what he loves to do: play air guitar during the praise and worship portion of the service.  He sat in the pew so well!!!  He looked strong and balanced.  We spent the rest of the day around the house, but by evening Keenan was not wanting to do anything but lay in the bed.  After a bit of investigating the reason for the lack of energy and interest in doing anything, we noticed the incision site was pretty swollen and he had a slight fever.  Not good.  After a couple of phone calls, we did what we dread most...went to the ER. 

I just could not believe this was happening to Keenan.  Unreal!!!!  As he lay on the bed in the ER, awating another doctor to take a look, the hated IV start, and the plan of action, tears began to flow from my eyes and they would not stop.  The week at St. Louis and the unknown about this episode was just too much for this mom.  I was releasing my stress and fear quietly down my cheeks.

We knew the area was infected, but did not know the extent.  A sonogram was done and determined there was no abcess in the area; which was the news we hoped to receive.  That would have meant the infection was deeper in the skin and would have required the area to be drained.  So, Keenan was started on two high-powered antibiotics and sent to his "home away from home", the pediatric floor.  The rest of that night was filled with more questions about his history, getting ourselves settled, hanging more medications, and laying our heads on the pillow about 2:00 a.m. 

Monday:  Well, I did not get any sleep Sunday night.  When I sat up in the bed for the last time early Monday morning, the tears were flowing again.  Knowing everything Keenan had been through, and learning more than I ever intended about the medical field, my mind kept wandering back to the fear of him getting another infection in his shunt.  I needed some assurance that the possibility of that happening again did not exist.  The doctors were able to give me reassurance, so I decided to take a deep breath and remember that God is in control and that none of this took Him by surprise.  It is hard sometimes, to step back from crisis and go back to what I know to be truth, but if I don't, the battle for my mind and my will would be lost.  I can't let that happen!!!!!  That is why God has surrounded me with such a great support group, to remind me every single thing that happens in our lives is sifted through His hands, used to make us stronger in our relationship with Him, and ultimately to bring Him honor and glory. 

By the time he awoke Monday morning, the incision area had already started the healing process.  It was less swollen and not as red.  A great gift from God to spur me on and keep me going.  Keenan had a good day and even enjoyed some time with some of his favorite people on the planet; the Child Life Team at Wesley.  They were the BEST medicine for my son and he loved the time he spent with Ben.  It was very special for Kee.

As the day progressed, Keenan put out a great deal of sweat and the fever seemed to be gone.  More signs of progress.

Tuesday.  The incision looked even better.  Almost all the swelling, the rash that had set up camp on his back, and the redness were gone.  Yea.  A great way to start the day.  A promising sign of things to come, right? 

Around noon we were given the okay to be dismissed from the hospital if he did well with the first dose of oral antibiotic.  Great news, but I was still holding my breath and hoping all was fine.  Keenan did some physical therapy, had a lunch date with a buddy, and had an interesting cooking session with Ben and some of the other members of the Wesl;ey Child Life staff.  Keenan had  a GREAT time.  It was awesome to see him having fun. 

About 4:00, we left the hospital.  Keenan seemed to be doing well and I was glad to be out of there, but still scared.  He was sent home with oral antibiotics and well wishes.  A couple hours after our homecoming, Keenan had a fever and was complaining of a headache.  He may have had the fever the entire time because the hospital had switched him to Motrin to help with his back pain in preparation for his dismissal.  Well, needless to say, I became quite worried.  The incision site looked fine, but I was worried, so made a couple phone calls to the doctor.  They advised me to keep the Motrin going and if the fever got above 102, or the headache became more intense, he would have to go back to the hospital.  I have to say, at that moment, I felt defeated.  There was no way out of this mess for my son and the thought of taking him to the hospital for another IV stick was more than my emotions could take.  I did not understand why God was allowing this to happen to a sweet little boy who had endured soooo very much already.  It broke my heart.  I went to the front porch, cired out to God in prayer, pleading that He take the fever and infection from Keenan, and called my mentor (who is also a nurse) to pray with me and set my thinking in the right direction before going to bed for the night.

So, Keenan did very well overnight and the fever came down and has stayed down as of this post.  There has been no other mention of a headache and he even went to physical therapy today.  What a difference a day makes!!!!  Yesterday I just did not feel quite right about Keenan for some reason, but today I feel more at rest and peaceful with the situation.  I saw God's hand work in Keenan, I believe, throughout the night.  In fact, after my time outside with God, I went to check on Keenan and his head was not as hot, and has not returned to that 102 temp since!!!!  Some would say coincidence, but I say that was a direct and immediate answer to my prayer.  WOW!!!

One last thing I have to share becasue it affirms the need for ongoing faith and prayer in my life.  I have a devotional, Streams in the Desert, and this comes directly from the passage for today. 
"Everyone born of God overcomes the world.  This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith." (1 John 5:4)
"If a person allows it, he can find something at every turn of the road that will rob him of his victory and his peace of mind.  Satan is far from retiring from his work of attempting to deceive and destroy God's children.  At each milestone in your life, it is wise to check the temperature of your experience in order to be keenly aware of the surrounding conditions.  If you will do this and firmly exhibit your faith at the precise moment, you can sometimes actually snatch victory from the very jaws of defeat.  Faith can change any situation, no matter how dark or difficult.  Lifting your heart to God in a moment of genuine faith in Him can quickly alter your circumstances.  God is still on His throne, and He can turn defeat into victory in a split second, if only we will trust Him."

If I have figured out anything the past few years of being refined in the fire, it is that I always need new faith for the next trial, but have to remember the faith I used in the past to trust that God will be faithful every time.  Without those milestones and victories with Him, it would be nearly impossible to keep going and not lose hope (or my sanity).  I also know prayer is real and active.  I truly believe that is what happened with Keenan last night.  God heard the cry of a mom on her knees and was merciful, out of His great love for his own children. 

So, here is to every single person who is on their knees praying for us daily.  Oh how precious and powerful your actions and faithfulness.  And here is to God, our healer and perfecter of my faith.  May He receive all glory, honor, and praise for what is happening in Keenan's life.

Love to all, and sorry so long,
Tammy